do the locomotion

It’s probable, pumpkin, that you are going to want to leave the house at some stage. More likely, however, that your fabulous parents are going to want to leave the house in order to fulfill some engagement on their social calendar. Regardless, the house will be being left.

Leaving the house with a baby, apparently, is vastly different to leaving the house prior to parentage. Currently, excursions begin with marshalling the canines outside, closing the door and finding my car keys. It appears that once you arrive, this process will take a considerably longer and more complex series of actions and equipment.

It is with the equipment that I am currently struggling. We made a trip on the weekend to the “giant unforgiving gaping maw that is the babygoods industry dedicated only to siphoning cash from new parents’ pockets” store. This trip was presented in the guise of a ‘research trip’, but ended up with the man standing and looking at the blonk, telling us that he wasn’t sure we could fit a baby seat in the back.

He wasn’t a nice man, though, so I’ve chosen to not believe him.

There are apparently several hundred accoutrement that we are obliged to purchase, at the rough equivalent of Liberia’s deficit. Devices that, when I was a child, were called “pushers”, are now apparently “jogger strollers”, are composed of space age alloys, have several configuration options, pneumatic tires and ABS brakes.

Of course, being a gadget freak, I’m quite excited by these developments, and gravitated directly towards the “created by a Swedish industrial designer and a physiotherapist, with seventeen configurations and ergonomically optimised" device; and was excitedly showing your mum all the fabulous ways it could be clicked and swiveled and zipped (having already done some research on the internet). Your mum, being the level head that she is (and being married to me and Knowing What I’m Like), reached straight for the bit that she thought was most important, the price tag.

Now pumpkin, I’m not a stingy man. I inevitably, when making large purchases, end up spending a little bit more than I had bargained, in order to make sure that I drive the value as hard as I can. And your mum will tell you that, for MANY purchases, I refuse to Pay Retail, and in fact say embarrasing things in Nice Stores like "come on, you can't do any better than that on the price?", so I don't necessarily pay very much attention to what's on the sticker, except as a reference for the commencement of bargaining.

And pumpkin. My first car was Very Cheap. So saying that this stroller jogger was more than my first car isn’t saying much. But this one was more than my first car AND my second car. Put together.

Love you.