with apologies to banjo

There was movement down in Preston, for the word had passed around
That a pumpkin was most definitely on its way
And would change the Peeny Deenys - It would cost a million pound
So all the gang had gathered on the couch

All the mad and genius family, from their homesteads near and far
Were coming down to see the new cherub
For a family loves a baby, when it's the first of a new brood
And the grandmothers sharpened knitting needles with delight

There was Grandad Ian, who made computers in the old days
Out of wood and rocks and bits of fencing wire
But few could understand him, when speaking etymology
He would tell you stories night and day, not tire

And Grandad Jon from Lincoln way
Came down to lend a hand
He brought the kid the claret and the gold
A Bradford City baby, of that he was damn sure
And probably a striker, if he believed what his eye told

Now Uncle David differed
On this point, it must be said
A number 1 on navy blue was what he saw
And fullback or full forward his choice instead

Now Pumpkin's mum and dear old dad
Were at best unprepared
Pumpkin's coming with a vengeance
Of that they have no doubt
But how to cope is as yet in the air

So furniture is shifted
And walls festooned with paint
Toys and clothes come in from near and far
A baby's coming! a baby! a baby!
Good god, we'd better go and wash the car

But the pumpkin born in Preston
Wouldn't care about such things
The pumpkin born in Preston's dad thinks that pumpkin will abide
Without frills, lace, plasticky diverty rings

Pumpkins, said the little one's dad
Need nowt by way of gifted haul
They need some hugs, dry bums, full tums
Buckets of love from all and sundry
If they don't get it, be sure they'll call.


Love you.