We left our readers, pumpkin, dangling on a precipice, wondering if we would find you a place to sleep. Whilst this kind of thing is acceptable in some genres, we're not the kind of people to leave our lovely talented readership hanging.
I left us, in the previous episode, knowing that we would have to find you a cot in Australia. We had looked at cots before, but as with many of the things that one looks at in terms of baby procurement, there are a simply astonishing number of possible permutations that appear to make very little sense.
In addition to this, it seems that the vast majority of the Australian population has a hole drilled in their heads when they get pregnant, and every ounce of style and good taste dribbles out in a grey porridgey puddle onto their shoes.
Suffice to say, pumpkin, that we didn't feel like there were any cots, particularly in most of the large babymalls, that would suit us.
Sure, if we wanted something in an orange tinted pine, with "BABY" stenciled on the front (like you'd forget) with rails and sides straight out of an Early Settler catalogue, then we'd be well catered for. Similarly, if we wanted something Scandinavian, with elegantly curved sides that looks like it would work well if we happened to live in Trondheim, we would have been a-ok.
But our house, pumpkin, doesn't look like that.
Our house is full of beautiful pieces of furniture. Big chunky dark wood pieces of furniture. Beautiful furniture. Furniture that was built to last 100 years.
Unfortunately, my sweet and lovable pumpkin, this sort of furniture is not, apparently, made in cot form.
We found a fabulous man who makes beautiful furniture. His name is Christian Cole, but he Doesn't Make Cots.
Christian's Lovely Wife, who is 12 weeks pregnant herself, explained to us that she had asked her husband to make one the FIRST time she got pregnant, but that there's a whole bunch of RULES, pumpkin, and REGULATIONS about how a cot needs to be built (all of which are designed to keep YOU, pumpkin, safe), and that he didn't know how to.
Of course, your dad being your dad, I had a copy of the requisites in your mum's bag, but then we started talking about Exactly How Much it might cost to make a Custom Designed Cot out of Beautiful Reclaimed Jarrah and I'm fairly sure that I smiled and nodded politely enough while we backed out of the door.
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