And as we wind on down the road....

It is true, pumpkin, that your parents are, to phrase it mildly, discerning in their tastes. We (ok, I) have been known to indulge in lengthy rants, spiked with profanity in most cases, concerning the relative merits of various entertainment options that I find do not meet the requisite criteria that I have so carefully laid down.

To that end, Your mother and I are likely, at least in your formative years, to have fairly solid ideas about precisely what constitutes worthwhile entertainment and what does not. Whilst it would be inconsiderate of us to point blank say what you can or cannot watch/listen to (once you are old enough to decide for yourself), we (ok, I) will be likely to have fairly strong opinions on what you are watching / listening to, and reserve the right to make disparaging remarks about it.

There are, however, a few ground rules that should be of assistance to you:

• It is likely that any recording star who pays inordinate attention to their dancing is not going to be a major force in the evolution of music, although there are exceptions (see Madonna, Kylie)

• Artists with only one name often have a similar creative lifespan (three months) as those above, although again with notable exceptions (again, see Madonna and Kylie)

• Movies advertised as "feel-good" and/or "charming" (usually a movie that would otherwise be advertised as "feel-good", but is set in Europe or Australia) are generally simplistic, boring and derivative, and have few redeeming virtues, although again, there are exceptions (Mostly written and/or directed by Richard Curtis)

• Jimi Hendrix is the greatest guitarist of all time. There are no exceptions

• Yes it is true that your maternal grandfather, your uncles and I have a fondness for late 1960s English electric blues and heavy metal. This is because it's some of the finest music ever made, and you would be doing yourself a favour by listening to some real music instead of that bloody infernal noise.
  

• Playing YOUR music loudly in the expectation that you will be able to drown out MY music is a mistake. My stereo is far louder than yours (at least until your mother yells at me)

This is really just a starting point for you. Soon, I will give you a definitive list of Movies You Must See By Age 21.

love you.

ps whoops i almost forgot today's episode of names that will not be yours (apparently a crowd favourite):

Denver Kade Lional Karson Lorne Cody Walker Royal Hunter Maverick Maarten if you're a boy, and not:

Calaya Tanith Branwen Delphine Faerin Gwendolen Magdalen Mairead Niamh Roisin SiobhanTalwen Fainne if you're a girl